Don't doubt yourself

While cooling off outside a recent salsa event, someone who started dancing a few months ago remarked on how much they have learnt about themselves in the process of learning to dance. I said, "That never ends". It doesn't. At the end of the same event, someone who has been dancing and teaching for many more years than I have told me, "Don't doubt yourself". And that right there was my latest lesson for the dance floor and for life. 

A vicious circle

Dancing in my local scene and with familiar people means I am very relaxed most of the time. When I am relaxed, I am confident. I don't doubt myself. Even if things go wrong, I am relaxed and confident enough to laugh it off. When I dance elsewhere with people who are less familiar and perhaps intimidate me with their skill and experience, I am less relaxed, less confident, and I start to doubt myself. These dances will never be good dances for that very reason. It is quite a vicious circle. 

Dancing at Salsa Bangor on Sundays. Photo credit: Mary-Kate Jones

Self doubt and leading

At some point you have to fake it 'til you make it to be a confident lead. Or rather, get confident in a few combinations (rather than maxing out on a millions moves that you never master), and execute them perfectly, clearly, confidently, and musically. A persistent doubt in the mind of a person leading is "I don't have enough moves! My follower is bored!". Switch that doubt off - it isn't a thing. 

Another problem is to doubt yourself mid-move. Don't do that either. A good follower will know exactly the moment you doubt your move - they can feel it. Then the follower has to decide which of the two options to follow. The connection is broken and things go wrong. Commit your lead, your body, and your intention to the thing you started and the thing you know. 

A clear lead is a confident lead. Confidence comes with practice; this means a lot of practice of the move itself and the technique to do it, but it also means practice feeling confident. This is not the same as arrogance. It is trust in your own ability, even if that ability is limited to a couple of things at first. 

Self doubt and following

I can follow almost anything. Sometimes I respond too late which is usually recoverable because I am confident in the music. Other times I panic half way through because I doubt myself. The panic and self doubt are what ruin a dance, not lack of experience. If you are doubting yourself when you follow, you are listening to your own self-sabotaging mind, instead of listening to the lead. You are breaking the connection with brain interference. 

Following is, arguably, more embodied than leading. You absolutely have to train your body to respond and your mind to not think ahead or second-guess. This is incredibly difficult. To be a great follower, you hone your technique to have confidence that it won't let you down, no matter what the person leading throws at you. When I am leading, I know if the follower is in their head and not in the moment. I know this well because I do it too. 

Dancing at Salsa Bangor on Sundays. Photo credit: Mary-Kate Jones

How to banish self-doubt

Practice builds confidence. To improve you need to develop your technique, dance with many people, work on your musicality and style, and challenge yourself. I have been doing all these things for eighteen years now, so at some point confidence also becomes a choice. Choose not to doubt yourself. I have to choose not to listen to those dual devils self-doubt and imposter syndrome that sit behind each ear. I must choose to trust in my ability and to relax. This is the only way to guarantee better dances.

And the life lesson is ...

Almost every lesson on the dance floor can be translated into a lesson for life. Let's be honest, hard-working and conscientious people are the ones who experience self-doubt, not the people with a misplaced sense of greatness. So, if you work hard and are conscientious, you will develop knowledge and skills. The next essential step is to trust them and trust yourself. Choose to have confidence and don't doubt yourself.